I've always been aware that I have a tendency to overthink situations, but it wasn't till I was browsing the magazine rack at a decrepit grocery store in Nebraska that I realized how much of an overthinker I've become. I was skimming an issue of Psychology Today while my friends were busy gathering last minute grill necessities for our camping stay. The cover had advertised help dealing with "people with difficult personalities", which seemed like a better alternative to browsing canned corn, so I read on...
Inside it described four broad personalities and a brief tidbit about each one. There was:
"The Hostile"-which are short tempered, fiery people who are frequently disagreeable.
"The Neurotic"-pessimists who specialize in the shooting down of others ideas.
"The Egoist"-basically those who think that they're hot shit.
"The Rejection-Sensitive"-(which is the personality that I identified with the strongest) is people who over-worry and overthink every facet of their life to the point where they overreact to any and all indications that they aren't liked by others. Basically, it's the fear of rejection. As I read though the article, I became all too aware how closely I identified with the "Rejection-Sensitive" personality. It described me in ways that I've always known but never actually noticed, and (like the overthinker that I am) I kept thinking about my newly diagnosed personality for the remainder of the camping trip. In fact, the first thing I did once I got back home (aside from shower) was go to the book store and pick up that very same copy of Psychology Today. Since then, I've spent the last two days rereading and overthinking about the entire realization, and here's what I've come up with:
I'm an overthinker, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Simply put, it means that I'm introspective and I choose to express certain words and thoughts as opposed to just spewing out whatever crap idea comes to mind. The downside to this personality, is whenever I'm in a situation that deals with people other than myself, instead of actually talking to the people who are involved to settle things, I attempt to mentally play-out how others would react in the given scenario on my own. As you can probably guess, this strategy is about as practical as it is dumb. The thought that I could mentally predict how others will react using nothing but my own perception of that person is idiotic, but for some strange reason, I still do it.
As an admitted overthinker, I can say that having a little social problem (which we often have) and a lot of free time (which I often do) will almost certainly make for a lot of wasted time overthinking. When something is bothering me, I find myself examining every square inch of the ordeal for days or even weeks until eventually, I'm even more bothered by how sick and exhausted I've become overthinking about what annoyed me than I was by the initial problem. When you do most, if not all of your problem solving in your head, things seem to get twisted and contorted till your rational about the situation doesn't even make sense anymore. It's like when you repeat a particular word in your head over and over again until the word eventually becomes unhinged from its meaning. Except, when it's a particular scenario that you're constantly replaying in your head, your mind has a way of bouncing all of your inner thoughts and ideas and opinions and emotions off of it till the scenario that you started off with is now a foreign thought. Your mind echos the annoyance over and over and after a while, that little annoyance seems like a whole new monster.
After reading (and rereading) the article, I've come to the realization that I use this thought process whenever I get the slightest hint (regardless of how logical that hint is) that someone does not like me simply because that's what I've always done. This way of thinking doesn't work, and it's an utter waste of time, but I figure that realizing that, and more importantly, admitting that fact, is the best way for me to get over myself and become the Kyle I'd like to be. Here's to a Kyle who is in control of his thoughts and does not flinch at the thought of rejection. Cheers.
