Overthinking

     I've always been aware that I have a tendency to overthink situations, but it wasn't till I was browsing the magazine rack at a decrepit grocery store in Nebraska that I realized how much of an overthinker I've become. I was skimming an issue of Psychology Today while my friends were busy gathering last minute grill necessities for our camping stay. The cover had advertised help dealing with "people with difficult personalities", which seemed like a better alternative to browsing canned corn, so I read on...
     Inside it described four broad personalities and a brief tidbit about each one. There was:

          "The Hostile"-which are short tempered, fiery people who are frequently disagreeable.

          "The Neurotic"-pessimists who specialize in the shooting down of others ideas.

          "The Egoist"-basically those who think that they're hot shit.

          "The Rejection-Sensitive"-(which is the personality that I identified with the strongest) is people who over-worry and overthink every facet of their life to the point where they overreact to any and all indications that they aren't liked by others. Basically, it's the fear of rejection. As I read though the article, I became all too aware how closely I identified with the "Rejection-Sensitive" personality. It described me in ways that I've always known but never actually noticed, and (like the overthinker that I am) I kept thinking about my newly diagnosed personality for the remainder of the camping trip. In fact, the first thing I did once I got back home (aside from shower) was go to the book store and pick up that very same copy of Psychology Today. Since then, I've spent the last two days rereading and overthinking about the entire realization, and here's what I've come up with:

     I'm an overthinker, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Simply put, it means that I'm introspective and I choose to express certain words and thoughts as opposed to just spewing out whatever crap idea comes to mind. The downside to this personality, is whenever I'm in a situation that deals with people other than myself, instead of actually talking to the people who are involved to settle things, I attempt to mentally play-out how others would react in the given scenario on my own. As you can probably guess, this strategy is about as practical as it is dumb. The thought that I could mentally predict how others will react using nothing but my own perception of that person is idiotic, but for some strange reason, I still do it.
     As an admitted overthinker, I can say that having a little social problem (which we often have) and a lot of free time (which I often do) will almost certainly make for a lot of wasted time overthinking. When something is bothering me, I find myself examining every square inch of the ordeal for days or even weeks until eventually, I'm even more bothered by how sick and exhausted I've become overthinking about what annoyed me than I was by the initial problem. When you do most, if not all of your problem solving in your head, things seem to get twisted and contorted till your rational about the situation doesn't even make sense anymore. It's like when you repeat a particular word in your head over and over again until the word eventually becomes unhinged from its meaning. Except, when it's a particular scenario that you're constantly replaying in your head, your mind has a way of bouncing all of your inner thoughts and ideas and opinions and emotions off of it till the scenario that you started off with is now a foreign thought. Your mind echos the annoyance over and over and after a while, that little annoyance seems like a whole new monster.

     After reading (and rereading) the article, I've come to the realization that I use this thought process whenever I get the slightest hint (regardless of how logical that hint is) that someone does not like me simply because that's what I've always done. This way of thinking doesn't work, and it's an utter waste of time, but I figure that realizing that, and more importantly, admitting that fact, is the best way for me to get over myself and become the Kyle I'd like to be. Here's to a Kyle who is in control of his thoughts and does not flinch at the thought of rejection. Cheers.

I want and want and want...

     I want to be great.
          I want to be someone who always has something going on and something up his sleeve. I want to squeeze the living juice out of every single day from here on out. I want to crawl into bed exhausted beyond belief at the end of every long and strenuous day, and wake up refreshed and excited to tackle the day before me. I want to be sore, I want my body to ache and my mind to race. I want to live a life that's worthy of death. That's worthy of looking back on and saying "What a loss". I want the roots of my interests and talents to expand in every direction till all that surrounds me is a lush forest of the person I'm becoming. I want to be awake all the time. I want to be up and at'em at all hours. Always keeping myself busy, constantly progressing. I want every waking moment of my existence to be the product of the countless hours logged in hopes of being someone that even me at my worst can't help but admire.

     And I want to want more all the time.

Sleep walkin

     Here's a mishmash of doodles from the past month for ya'll to enjoy...

Twenty-one

     Tomorrows my birthday. This is how I feel about it.

Casa Bonita

     Here's my colored pencil take of the exotic Mexican wonderland that is, Casa Bonita. For those of you who are unfamiliar with The Beautiful House I suggest you get familiar as soon as possible. This place should seriously be considered one of the 7 wonders of the world. Check out their website and go have an adventure or two there.

Skateboarding

     Skateboarding has been my go-to hobby for the better part of ten years now. I've devoted most of my time,  energy, and a fair chunk of change in exchange for those days spent on sun-soaked pavement. It's the reason for the friends I have, and the ones I have had. And the same goes for the places I've been, and the places I plan to be from. Years of playing on a makeshift concrete playground has certainly taken its toll. My legs are littered with scars, and my ankle makes this strange clicking sound when I walk barefooted, but that doesn't discourage me. As far as good things go, skateboarding is at the top of my list (literally, I've got a list and everything). The art of skateboarding (yes I call it an art, not a sport. It sounds corny but I will argue till I'm blue in the face on that one. Skateboarding is not a sport) is something that I've tried to explain to people before, but when I do, I usually end up making an ass of myself.
     So, if you're reading this, then that means one of two things have happened. Either I typed up an entry that I felt confident enough would convey why I think skateboarding is super sweet without me geeking-out too much and making me look like some sort of hyper-active fan girl...or, I simply swallowed my pride, and ignored that self conscious voice in my head while I ranted on about the art of skateboarding and eventually siked myself up enough to finally press the "publish" button. Things may get a little corny, and I'd usually apologize for that, but I've recently decided that "I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasures of saying true things". Either way, here's my attempt at describing the feeling of skateboarding.
     The best, and most accurate (for me anyway) way for me to describe skateboarding, would be to simply call it pure, free, excitement. Whether you're cruising suburban cul de sacs, or tearing through city streets, skateboarding (to me) is just a machine that turns your environment into a playground. It allows you to look at your surroundings from a totally new, perspective. Things like sets of stairs and park benches are no longer lost in the background. Thanks to skateboarding, things that were once just objects, become objects of interest. They become obstacles, they become opportunities. Your board becomes an excuse for you to run and jump and explore and fall and make an ass of yourself, and be completely and totally okay with it. It turns your world into the playground of possibilities that you used to see it as. It gives you common ground to stand on with anybody with a skateboard who otherwise would be a total stranger.
     And it's an art, believe me, it's a fuckin work of art. It's not a question of if you can do a certain trick, it's how you do it. Like, I'd take something as simple as an ollie from John Motta over any tre flip I've ever done any day. I could watch and rewatch any of the skate videos in my collection every day of my life without complaint, due to the simple fact that they're all beautiful works of art. The finesse and talent and creativity in skateboarding's history is incredibly enjoyable to watch, and merits multiple viewings (many of them). Skateboarding is totally free of structure, and it thrives on creativity. There's no point system, there's no winning, It's just you, having fun. As a skateboarder, you're free to do anything. You can skate whatever you'd like, you can try any trick in the book...Hell, you can even create your own trick or obstacle. There's no sport in existence that would allow for, let alone encourage, creating or challenging the strict rules that define it as a sport. Skateboarding, on the other hand, is whatever you make of it. Like drawing or painting, skateboarding has techniques and methods, but no rules. There's no wrong way to skate, just as there's no wrong way to paint. It's all up to you. Point of the rant: skateboarding is really awesome, and it's not a sport.

      Phew, so there's a condensed version of my thoughts about skateboarding. I tried to keep the geeking-out to a minimum.

Richie

Mac

Kevin

Colorado Springs

One of Those Faces

     I've come to the realization that I have, one of those faces recently. You know, one of those faces that -from the right angle, and under ideal light- has the potential to resemble a cast of celebrities. I've gotten some crazy claims, here's a few for you to judge.

Tony Hawk= I get him like twice a week

Tom Green

Seth Meyers

Jeremy Allen White

Graham Parker

Annnnnnd this guy...