Nineteen

Just A Note-I'm plugging away at my book, and I'm really enjoying the writing process. Looking back at myself while I was doing the project and writing about myself as a nineteen year old is one of my favorite things. The nostalgia alone is intoxicating. So here's another chunk of what I think will be in my book. It will most likely stay as the first chapter. Short and sweet, it's sort of a snapshot of what my life looked like at the height of my lethargic days as a nineteen year old. I'd appreciate any feedback.

It’s embarrassing for me to think about, and even more for me to admit; but at one point in my life, I was a nineteen year old boy.

I’m sorry.

The typical nineteen year old boy is a vile creature. Spending most of his daylight hours burrowed away in the safety of a bedroom in his father’s suburban home; the nineteen year old only leaves the poster plastered walls of his teenage sanctuary for the occasional bathroom break, or to heat up some sort of microwavable entree. 
There is no sleep cycle for this creature. Rather, his stream of consciousness just sort of fluctuates between states of semi-awake and sort of asleep throughout the day. The nineteen year old communicates exclusively in one word -preferably one syllable- sentences, and speaks in a pseudo-language made up of a mixture of sighs, grunts, and the word “dude”. Since school is no longer mandated, brain activity slows down to a modest crawl. This particular nineteen year old dropped out of college after what he claims was a “college try” (approximately 3 weeks).

As night falls, and the world goes to sleep, the boy begins his day. He strategically waits until the rest of the house is asleep before heading into the bathroom to start his morning routine. If for some reason the boy does not wait a sufficient amount of time before leaving his room, he might run into someone. And for a boy his age, any social interaction is feared and prevented at all costs. He has learned from experience that nothing good can come from talking to anyone. His brain is still in that mushy infancy stage between childhood and adulthood, and his social skills have been on the decline since high school. Even a conversation with a family member or friend is reserved as a last resort. The chances of saying something stupid or experiencing his voice crack is more of a guarantee than a chance. 

This boy is wise to stay secluded in his room, for in his room, adults dare not enter. Due to the unbearable stench of neglected teenage laundry that permeates the walls of his den, he is safe from interrogation from a parent or loved one. Inside his room he is free to do what he wants, which is mostly drink chocolate milk and draw cartoons.

After the nineteen year old is certain that all chance of social interaction has been avoided, he heads into the bathroom. Depending on the week, he may, or may not choose to shower (a double-dabbing of deodorant stick is also an option). A fresh change of clothes happens even less frequently. Through his desire to exert the least amount of energy possible, the boy follows a rotating schedule for t-shirts and pants to ensure that he only does laundry every month or so. 

1. Wear dark colored clothing to cover up food stains
2. Alternate t-shirts daily to avoid suspicion
3. Wear jeans as long as desired (nobody cares about jeans)

In the bathroom mirror, the nineteen year old carefully examines himself. His ever changing body is in the process of becoming an adult. His scattered acne is slowly traded for patchy whiskers, and his Adam's apple is so prominent that it might tear through the skin. After about 20 minutes of flexing in the mirror, the boy inevitably decides not to shower after all. He makes a stop in the kitchen to ravage the contents of the fridge before retreating back to his musky bedroom.

Once he is settled in, he spends the rest of his waking hours scrolling through the social media feeds of his drifting high school classmates while watching documentaries about outer space.

The life of a nineteen year old is one of leisure. His schedule is relaxed, his bank account is empty, and all he really wants to do is to waste more time alone in his smelly bedroom.

A Little Bit About Optimisim

I've been writing a book for the past couple months and I thought I'd post a little rant from it. The book is my accounts of the year I resolved to try something new every day for one year. That year has been one of the most educational and memorable experiences of my life. I've learned a lot about myself (where my comfort zone resides, and how to overcome it) and thought that some of the stories would be fun to read. Below is an exerpt from a very very very rough draft that I am working on. It is probably littered with mistakes, and who knows if I'll even keep it in the final copy, but I figured I'd let you read it...

“Pessimists never left the cave, and never got eaten. Optimists left to explore...and they became lunch. Realists left the caves, but not without a club.”  That’s a saying that I’ve heard a lot growing up, especially from my father who is a self confessed realist. It’s a nice little saying, and it means well, but ever since my father first recited it to me, I’ve had a couple of issues. Sure, I see the value of being a realist, who doesn’t? Being a realist -or in other words, being both an optimist and pessimist depending on the situation- makes a lot of sense. Keep you eyes open to the potential wonders of the world, but always be cautious of the eminent pitfalls too. I can dig that Maybe the glass is half full, maybe it’s half empty, or maybe it’s just a glass of lemonade and you should enjoy it without asking so many questions. My dad's outlook towards outlooks make a lot of sense, but this isn’t my dad’s book is it? This is my book, and I’m gonna fill it with as many illogical opinions that I see fit!

I’d like to start off by stating that I consider myself an optimist. When I tell people this, they often give me the same look. I think it’s the same look that people make when their friends tell them how great Kale is. They look at me almost like I'm poking fun at them. Like I see all the problems and annoyances that they’re dealing with and surely I have my own fair share, but instead of doing the socially courteous thing and complain in harmony with them, I chose to dilute my reality with optimism and sunshine. And I get it, life’s hard. Sometimes when you’re venting about your troubles, you’re not looking for an answer. Sometimes you just want to complain about the jerk-off teacher you have, or the court summons you received. Some problems don’t really need a solution, they just need a friend to vent to. It’s become more apparent that I am a crummy friend in these sort of situations.

None of this is to say that I don’t also fall victim of thinking negatively either. Some situations just suck. I’ve gone entire weeks with nothing but rotten days. Just like everybody else, I’ve been embarrassed and taken advantage of. Being optimistic doesn’t prevent or protect me from the shitty things that inevitably will happen to me, in fact it makes it all the more painful when those things do happen. Pessimists only fall a peg or two when they have a bad day, but optimists are falling from dangerous altitudes for the same occurrences. So if being optimistic makes social interactions with normal people awkward, and unfortunate events horribly painful, then why in the world would anyone ever consider being positive? Well, I’d argue, that statistics makes a pretty convincing case to advocate optimism.

Here’s my argument on optimism. Put simply, it’s all a matter of odds. The odds that anyone was ever anything is seriously the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever contemplated. The sheer astronomical -no scratch that, astronomical doesn’t even come close- the sheer hyper-colossal-astronomical odds that you have ever been, is the great unspoken anxiety attack of our lives.

Think about it, really think about it for a second. Just imagine all the shit that had to go completely perfect in order for you to make it to this very sentence. Life is linear, and it’s been going for the past 13.82 billion years. Let me ask you, what are the odds that you’d be able to sink a billiards shot if the pocket hole was 13.82 billion years away? A lot of stuff could get in the way, seems like a slim chance right? Imagine a pool table that stretched out infinitely in every direction, and instead of the standard 16 or so pool balls, there was an innumerable amount of cosmic distractions blocking your shot. Quasars and black holes and any number of planets, stars and space debris whizzing through your balls trajectory. Imagine that you can’t even see the pocket that you’re shooting for. Even if you had the best telescope ever made, it would be of no use because the pocket is so far away that light traveling from it would be taking millions of years to complete it's travel. Then if you somehow pull off that impossible shot, you have to hope that the planet you sent ends up orbiting around a star. This star would have to be stable, and the orbit would have to fall in the Goldilocks Zone so the planet is not too hot and not too cold to support life. The pool table is so large, the obstacles are so many, and the timeline is so great, that they’re not really even odds anymore, are they? Logistically speaking, there’s no way that a shot like that could be made on a cosmic level, it just couldn’t happen.

Cosmically there’s a lot that could go wrong, and it’s truly an oddity that things have worked out so well for us down here on Earth. But space, that’s the easy part, down on Earth is where the odds really get stacked against you. To get to where you are at this very moment the most impressive Rube Goldberg machine has been hard at work. Throughout every single generation that has ever lived, life has been one big killing machine. And through all of those generations, your ancestors somehow navigated through the sea of dangerous and downright deadly hazards long enough to pass on their genes setting off the chain of reactions that eventually ended up making you. They fended off sickness and behooved tragedy constantly. But even if your great, great, great, great (you get the idea) great grandfather survived the onslaught of war and disease, passing his legacy on was still an uphill battle. Shorter life spans and less than ideal transportation made finding love incredibly hard. You needed to find a spouse, and you needed to do so quick. And imagine, if you’re the guy who survives the wars, and beats the sicknesses, and overcomes every odd that life could throw your way, and at the moment you’re about to ask out a girl that could one day become the mother of your children, she notices that you have a piece of lettuce stuck in your teeth. She is tempted to say yes, which would lead to the triumphant march of your genes carrying on into another era, but seeing as the lettuce is rather sizable, decides to say no, killing any chance you had to live on through your ancestory.

So many minute things had to align so perfectly for life to happen, that for any of it to happen at all is amazing. Personally, I know that I owe someone or something an unpayable debt. I think about out it often, how lucky I am. I am a person, and simply to be able to realize that is a miracle. But there’s more. I am a person, living in undoubtedly the most prosperous time throughout all of Earth’s history. Not only am I alive on a small blue planet whirring through space, but I am doing so while avoiding the infinite amount of deadly obstacles that litter our planet’s orbit. And even on Earth, I’m the luckiest to have ever lived. I live in a time of great accessibility. Medicine, goods, transportation, information, communication, all of these are very literally at my fingertips, a luxury that has never been offered before. We have an ever increasing understanding of ourselves and our potential. Diseases that once wiped out entire generations have been eradicated, distances that used to take lifetimes to cross are easily taxied. Never before has our species felt more empowered, and for good reason. Hell, we got out of the food chain, that’s never been done before.

I have rights, and I have free time. And that is something that only a fraction of a percent of the hundred billion or so humans who have lived before me have gotten to enjoy. Most people had a very rough life, and I owe an uncountable number of those people, for my life.

So flying through space on a tiny blue planet is a death wish, and depending on a comically large amount of people throughout history to safely pass on their genetic blueprint in order for me to be here today is beyond impressive, but there’s one more part of this optimism thing that I’d like to explore. So say that the planet safely steered past all the black holes over the past 13 billion years, and suppose that humanity didn’t blow itself up before you had a chance to be. Those odds are nothing compared to the lotto every single living person has won. What are the odds you might ask? Well, to put it simply, the ridiculous odds that the particular sperm that made you, was chosen instead of the 300 million others available.

Do yourself a favor and think about that for a while. Sure our planet is dodging every potential pitfall in sight, and sure our ancestors got pretty damn lucky not dying before they had kids, but this? The 1 in 300 million chance that you were picked to become the baby that your mother would birth is beyond bananas. This fact, tied in with the others (and many that I just don’t have the time to name) is the most ridiculous thing I have ever contemplated. That 13 billion year old billiards shot is so improbable, that our existence should probably be considered to be statistically impossible.

Every single person you see walking around is a winner of this cosmic/genetic/luck lottery. We shouldn’t be here, none of us, but here we are. The greatest underdog story of all time, we not only survived these apocalyptic disasters, but we’re currently thriving in them.

So that’s sort of the direction I go when a coworker of mine complains that I’m bad at listening to their problems. But can you blame me? Seriously, after all that we’ve been through, the eons of life threatening dangers and the ridiculous (I could use any word cause it’s impossible to turn this instance into a hyperbole) odds that we have overcome just to simply be. We have all won an infinite amount of lotteries, and we all owe an infinite amount of people for being in the exact right place in the exact right time throughout history, and you’re telling me that you’re sad because of a little rain? I am a realist because I view my circumstances in a logical way. I leave the cave but I bring a club. And in viewing the world, and the insane odds that I’ve overcome in order to experience it, I have absolutely no choice but to be completely and totally optimistic about it.

Gadget the Robot Short Poem

A short poem about your favorite robot complete with some illustrations. I hope you enjoy!

Direction

It's been a while since my last post. And this tends to happen pretty regularly; I seek refuge in my blog only when it's convenient for me. When things are going great, and sun is shining, and I'm happily staying busy with the things I enjoy, I completely abandon my blog. But as soon as a bad day turns up, or something frustrating rears its head at me, I duck deep into my journal entries. Being this consistently inconsistent feels pathetic and immature, but worst of all, it's not productive.

Getting frustrated is going to happen, and I'm not saying it shouldn't. I should, and totally am, prepared to deal with a monumental amount of frustration. I mean seriously, writing and illustrating children's books and documenting my creative and just plain strange adventures surely isn't the path of least resistance. Frustration is a good thing; frustration is quality control for life. If I wasn't frustrated from time to time about where I plan on (scratch that-dream of) being in the future, then whose to say that it'll be worth it by the time I get there?

No, frustration isn't what I'm frustrated about. I'm frustrated about me and what it is that I actually want. I want to know exactly what I want. That sounds stupid, but hear me out.

I like to make things, and when people notice the things that I make, we tend to talk about other things I've made. Children's books, and art shows, and autobiographical blog projects are pretty interesting, but it's usually just a matter of time until that person says something along the lines of

     "So, what is it that you're actually trying to do?"

And that's my problem, I don't have an answer. Well, I don't have a clear cut answer, not one I fully believe in myself anyway. I usually reply with my go to response which is:

     "I want to make things."

Don't get me wrong, the response is true, and I even believe it. But it's such a vague answer to such a clear question. I want to KNOW what it is that I want to do, and to be, and to mean to people. I want to be certain about myself, because I KNOW that I'm motivated, and I KNOW that I've got some talent, and I KNOW that I've got something of value to offer. The only thing that I hesitate with is direction, not knowing where I'm going, or where I'd like to be.

So I still don't know exactly what it is I'd like to be, whatever that even means. But I'm taking a stand and I'm going to finally sit down and actually write out what it is I want. These may seem obvious, especially to the people around me (it's all I talk about), but if I don't make it painfully clear what I want, then I'll be frustrated and unhappy even when I get it. Using my list of criteria, I should be able to piece together a direction for myself.

Here's what I want:
I want to...
     Publish my children's book
     Publish more children's books
     Create things that people enjoy. By people who are not obligated to like it
     Publish a book about my Jack Of All Trades Project with my own illustrations
     Support myself off of my creativity without feeling like a business person...or a whore
     Move out (but that's a whole blog entry in itself)
     Be better than I was yesterday...every single day

There you go, or there "I" go I suppose, cause I'm the only one who even reads this. Here's a short, impromptu list of what I actually want. Now it's up to me to make it all happen. I'll still have moments of frustration, and of confusion and self doubt. But I know what I'm worth and now I know where I' going.

Thoughts About Art

     On the very first day of the only drawing class I took in high school, the teacher introduced herself by saying "There is good art, and there is bad art. My job is to teach you how to tell the difference". And I can't help but think back to her smug, arrogant approach to art every time the chip on my shoulder starts to act up.

     The fact that she knew, she just knew what made art good, or what made art bad, or what constituted art at all is the kind of shit that turned me off from the subject in the first place. To introduce herself from the top of her pretentious pedestal, and to brag so boldly that she is the all knowing authority of something as subjective as art, is beyond me. Who is she to say what is or is not art?

      Art- the thing that has escaped a definitive definition throughout it's existence. The thing that means something completely different to every single person on the entire planet. The thing that could potentially be done by anyone, anywhere, by using anything.

      As a general rule of thumb, I would consider just about anything art. If something is art to anyone, even if the creator disagrees, then it's art. If you can take something from it, then it's art. Even if you argue that you can't take anything away from whatever it is, I'd argue that you can "take away" the fact that you can't take away anything from it...making it art. I'm not talking about the perception of the viewer, or the vision of the artist, or any of the other bullshit concepts taught in drawing 101, either.

     All I'm saying is I was genuinely and instantly offended by how this teacher felt she should introduce herself. To assume superiority over a class of sixteen year old's on a cultural subject so broad just blew me away. It's so accessible that anyone can find their own way to participate; to take part in some small way. But it's also frustratingly inaccessible because everyone's personal view of what art is, or could be, or should be- varies dramatically. What you think of, or feel when you experience art (in the broadest possible sense) is personal, and absolutely unique to you. If you like what you are experiencing- good. If you don't- good; you don't always get exactly what you want anyways, just be glad you were there in the first place.

     The point is, you are free to like what you like, and dislike what you don't. Or to feel confused, or unsure; or any of the other infinite ways that art (in all of it's infinite forms) can make you feel. And for someone to assume so certainly, that they know better, is pretentious. To take something as universal yet intimate as art, and divide everything it encompasses into just two categories is...Well it's a dick move. To say that no matter how intensely something means to you; a song, a painting, a movie, a quote, a personality, a place, a memory- that it can be placed in just one of two of her categories; good or bad, is infuriating.

Like what you like, or don't. Or don't do anything at all. Every single thing you experience in life is up to you to interpret, not your fucking know-it-all (f)art teacher from high school.

Kyle: Spontaneous Idealist

     So I was thinking to myself, "Kyle, how are you going to properly introduce yourself for this week's challenge?" and then I was all "Bam! Here's how I'm gonna do it! I'm going to get way too personal and take an online personality test and slap the results on an entry for ya'll to study." So yeah, that's how this all came to be.

     41q.com is the site I used to get my inner understanding on. It's super simple and easy; just go through the 41 questions and choose the answer that you identify with most. Then, they work their magic and tell you things about yourself that you'd hope you'd know by now.

     As you can see, I'm pretty one-sided on some of the traits. I'm all about the intuitive, feeling, and perceiving categories. I just like that I'm about as far away as you can get from being considered a thinking man.

     The test was pain free and the results were fun to look at; but who knows how precise this sort of stuff even is. The results could be just broad enough that anyone could take a look at em and see a piece of themselves in them. But even still, I liked what I saw. I like being a "Spontaneous Idealist"; it makes it sound more like an achievement than a diagnosis. I like feeling more than thinking anyways. To me, it's like choosing to focus on "what could be", as opposed to "what isn't".

     Take a look at what else 41q.com had to say about me. Here it is, straight from the web horses mouth:

 Your personality type: "Spontaneous Idealist"

Enthusiastic, idealistic and creative. Able to do almost anything that interests them. Great people skills. Need to live life in accordance with their inner values. Excited by new ideas, but bored with details. Open-minded and flexible, with a broad range of interests and abilities.

Careers that could fit you include:

Actors, journalists, writers, musicians, painters, consultants, psychologists, psychiatrists, entrepreneurs, teachers, counselors, politicians, diplomats, television reporters, marketers, scientists, sales representatives, artists, clergy, public relations, social scientists, social workers.

     Just incase you didn't get your fill of Kyle for this week, here's a video I made where I talk about myself. It was really awkward to film, but I filmed it anyways (#professionalism).

Constantly Create: Introductions and Explanations

Imma' do what I do, but I'll do it for you.

     Hello, I'm Kyle, and by now you may know me. I'm a life enthusiast from Denver, Colorado, and a maker of anything and everything from children's books about radical robots, to stop-motion YouTube videos about edible Rubik's Cubes. I enjoy making "things", I enjoy making just about anything really. Hell, I can't go without doodling on my (veggie) cheeseburger with the spout of the ketchup bottle when I get the chance. The point is this; I really enjoy making things, and I really enjoy making them for you.
     That being said; I am very excited to announce a new project I am starting that is all about creating content for you guys. As you probably could have guessed from the entry's title, the project is called Constantly Create; and I have a feeling (that like my other projects) I'm going to be completely consumed by this one. Here's what you need to know to be apart of it:

What is it?:
     Obvious question, but I suppose a necessary one too. Constantly Create is a project that will focus on one topic/theme/or challenge each week and span a number of different mediums and social media platforms as I share what I make with you. Each week, I will do my best to create at least three things to share with you. Whether its an illustration, a video, a blog post (or even a haiku for all I know), that is somehow related or influenced by the week's topic/theme/or challenge.

Why? Just...Why?
     Good question, I haven't spent much time thinking about an answer, so I don't really know. I do know that I enjoy creating content, and I'd like to motivate myself to do more of it, so a project that does just that seems grand. Also, all I have is time on my hands.

Soooo, What's the plan again?
     I am challenging myself to make more stuff, and I am asking for your help to do that. I want this project to be community driven; meaning you guys help decide what content I create and post. I you want to suggest different mediums for me to try; like photography, comic art, spoken word, even interpretative dancing, I'd be happy to hear from you. You will be able to suggest future topics/themes/and challenges and will be updated with links to view all of the content produced for the project all on my Facebook page.

How're you gonna do it?
     Another great question. So I've decided that I will aim to produce at least three different pieces of content that relate back to the the week's theme. Throughout the week (I'm thinking Monday, Wednesday and Friday) I'll share the things I make with you on whatever social media site is most appropriate for that medium.
     For example, if the theme for the week was skateboarding and I wanted to write a blog post about my love for all things skating; I'd post my entry here, on my blog (cause it just makes sense). But if I was going to post an illustration; I'd post it on my Instagram. And the same can be said about videos being posted to my YouTube account.
   
Wow, you're so cool Kyle. How do I get in on the action?
     Thank you for the kind words and enthusiasm. If you're at all interested in this project, or would like to participate by suggesting future topics and challenges, or maybe even winning something like one of the illustrations, then I would really reeeeeeeeally appreciate it if you would "like" this lonely lil Facebook page of mine. "Liking" it is how you'll get updates about the project, and info about how to view said illustration/video/post/ etc. I promise to do my very best to not post garbage content if you do.

Anything else we should know?
     Hmmmm, I can't think of anything right now, but I'll update you through the Facebook page if I do. Here's a rundown of what I'm talkin bout Willis.

• One main topic or theme for each week
• Three pieces of content that deal with the topic for that week
• If you like what I do, I'd appreciate it if you would say "hello" over on my page or share this project with a friend

     Oh I thought of something! So this post isn't actually part of the project, it's just an introduction and explanation, but this week's theme is just that; "Introductions and explanations". So throughout this week, I will update my page with videos/illustrations/and blog entries that help me introduce myself to you. It's like a way for me to break the ice and let ya'll know way too much about me. So hope you're all excited, cause I'm gonna do this thing either way. Thanks again!

I'm Never Bored- Rubik's Cube

   
     This one just speaks for itself...

A Justification for Action and Inaction

     I'm moving out soon. I've been planning my move for the better part of four years now, but I'm serious about this; I'm moving.
     I think I'll go west, I like the idea of it. Seems adventurous ya know? Like I'm doing that chase the sunset song and dance. Maybe Seattle, maybe Portland, maybe even California. I haven't decided on a destination yet, but that's not the point. The point is that I have made the decision to move.
     When I tell people about my plan (or lack there of), I am usually greeted with a puzzled look. They ask things like; "You're just going to go? West?" and " What about money? You need money, ya know?"...And to be fair, these are all valid points that should be taken into consideration when deciding whether or not to pack up and start anew halfway across the country. Factors such as money and housing arrangements are no joke, and should be taken seriously...But not too seriously, I'd argue.
     See, I have been thinking about the logistical aspect of such a decision for a while now. I've spent quite a bit of time stressing over the things that I should be stressing over. Things like not having enough money to afford to eat stale Top Roman, and not being able to find a suitable job, and my car breaking down halfway through Utah and me having to start my new life in the disappointment that is, Utah- These are all sincere thoughts that have entered my mind within the past few months. These sort of scenarios are scary, but they're practical. Fear of making the wrong choice (or not making the absolute best one), is a great way to ensure that you make a wise decision. But when the fear of making a bad decision becomes so great that you become afraid of making any sort of decision, you've let fear make your choice for you.
     ...And that's the kind of fruitless mental state that I've been in for the past couple years now. I've wanted nothing more than to move away for so long now, but my fear of messing up; of making a decision that hindsight might regret, has left me paralyzed. I've been so afraid of making a poor choice, that I forgot to even choose. I let indecision be my decision, and inaction be my action. But not anymore.
   
The way I see it; I've been working to afford stability since I was fifteen years old. And since then, I've been broke. I've never had money, but for the most part, I've been happy; and I think I'm OK with that lifestyle. And if there's any evidence that my decision to pack up and head west is a good decision, it's that.

Headed west.

Staying Positive

     I like to think of myself as someone who sees the best of whatever situation I may find myself in. Shouting something like "Challenge accepted!" in response to life's little obstacles, and squinting my eyes to focus solely on the silver lining of the shit-show before me are how I aim to cope with a messy situation. I'm proud to wear the label "optimist" and I hope to greet life's challenges with a cunning grin. But sometimes attitude and good vibes can only go so far. Sometimes the situation isn't quite what you've expected, and your optimism has left you ill-prepared. 

     For these cases...when life happens, and the tricks you safely tucked away in your sleeve have failed you, and the complexity of the situation has wiped that once sly smirk clean off your face, you need something to escape to, something to take your mind of the stress and negativity of whatever you're dealing with, even if the relief is only momentary. 

     Activities that allow you to escape the exhausting stress of a situation doesn't help you run away from your problems. Rather, I'd argue that they serve as a more effective means of conquering that very same problem. An escape is a way to face your challenges in a gradual way. Diving headfirst into the deep end of a stressful situation is almost certainly a terrible idea. These sort of problems are never a quick fix, so a generous leap into the thick of it will only give you a headache. If you let the stress swallow you before you get a chance to clean up the mess, it's over.  But if you have an escape; some sort of activity, or hobby that will help relieve you of some of the stress that life's situations may stack onto your conscious, you'll find that facing your fears and problems are less exhausting and more manageable then tackling your challenges without the help of such an activity.

     I have several escapes, and I owe just about everything (including my sanity) to them. For me, things like skateboarding, and drawing, and simply producing creative content (whether it be making videos or writing this very blog post) all serve as a lifeline of calmness and familiarity to hold onto when everything else around me seems to be going to Hell. 

     I deal with what's on my mind by facing them head on while on my board, or while I draw. I believe it helps ground my perspective to think about what's bothering me while being involved in some sort of positive activity. It's sort of therapeutic really. Involve yourself with an activity you enjoy, then you will be free to ration your attention how you wish between the activity you are escaping with, and the situation you are gradually easing into. Doing this keeps your mind busy. Not too busy mind you, but just busy enough not to be overwhelmed with stress. Letting your mind entertain these problems while participating in an activity is a great way to ease yourself into finding a solution to your problem without overwhelming you with the entirety and complexity of it. Trying to deal with a stressful situation with no friends to talk to, and no escapes to turn to would be useless. I'd be overwhelmed by the complexity and would be too stunned to even begin actually dealing with my problem.

     But with activities that allow me to escape on the other hand, entertaining my brain with thoughts about both the problem at hand, and the activity I am doing is stimulating. I'm able to problem solve and make progress with my situation when I'm thinking clear, and able to focus on my escape when things start to get too stressful. Alternating, and combining the two subjects keeps my perspective fresh, which will lead to breakthroughs that I would otherwise have missed with a stressed out state of mind. 

     It's all about keeping your conscious alert and clear. The less stress you have cluttering your mind, the better you will be able to think clearly, and form connections to solutions. Staying positive, and not letting stressful and draining situations get the best of you are hard to do, but I believe that the willingness to sport optimism, even when the situation seems unbearable, and arming yourself with a surplus of positive, mentally engaging activities, will go far in the fight to accept any challenge with the cunning grin you wear so well.

Stay positive

I'm kind of into robots..

Iron Giant

I'm Conquering YouTube Now

     So I've recently decided to get into the YouTube game. Lets face it, I spend waaaaaay too much time on that damn site for me to not me on it. I have a few videos up under my account now, but nothing special yet. My long term plan is to adopt the same sort of idea behind my Jack of all Trades project but fit it into a weekly or maybe biweekly video series for people to watch. To reserve your spot as a someone who was subscribed to my channel before it was cool, you should totally go click that subscribe button right here, it will make my day if you do. Thank ya!

Project Kids Book Update #10

     Whats up with the not posting lately huh? It's like, I get all excited about having a blog and I post some snazzy entries but then before you know it, I'm all 'too cool' for blogging and I stop updating this baby. Well, I guess I should try to fill y'all in as much as possible while I'm still in my 'blogging is okay' phase.
 
     Project Kids Book- I'm super freaking excited about how far this project has gone, and how well it's been received so far. I honestly am blown away by everyone who helped me out or supported this in anyway. Whether you helped with the revising, helped spread the word by passing the story on, or even simply encouraged me, I am very verrrrrrrrwwwwyyy thankful. That being said, here's where the project is at now...

     I finished the book. And when I say finished, I actually mean it. I have a book, like, with pages and junk in it. The Photoshopping took longer than expected because I was learning as I went along. After 17 pages of trial and error, you start to learn some things, which is really nice, but then you have to go back through all 17 pages and make sure that everything is consistent throughout the book. And by the time you've gone through the pages again, you've probably learned something new to try out with Photoshop. So it took a while to do, but I think that the extra time spent made up for a better looking book.
     The rest of the editing process is history; the text gave me some trouble, and the printing took a good couple hours, but after it was all said and done, I had a freaking kids book. I say had because the book itself was only in my possession for a couple days before being shipped across the country to a publisher in New York. Yes that's right, thanks to the help of my aunt, I've gotten my book in the hands of a very nice publisher over at Random House Publishing. This has to be the most surreal part of the entire project. I never thought that my lil robot book (which is now titled) would somehow make it's way to New York, to have a real editorial review, from a real editor. This is crazy-sauce! So right now I'm sitting and waiting until I hear more news from the nice lady at Random House, which is proving to be quite difficult. I'm not very good at sitting still as it is, but now sitting still while I wait for news concerning my book, now that's damn near impossible! So, among other things, I made a video that you should watch!

So I've decided not to sit still. I've started a few small projects that I hope will keep my mind off the kid's book thing. I'll post a couple entries about them real soon, pinky promise.

Kids Book Update #9

     I feel like coming up with a decent title for the book is going to be the death of me. Seriously, even though I've sweating over every single pixel of the illustrations in the editing process this past week, it seems like the title thing has been giving me more of a headache. The all-knowing experts on the internet say that the title is a critical element to the books appeal. Name it something safe and generic, and it'll never see the light of day. Give it a title that's too snazzy, and it'll go over your readers heads (remember, they're supposed to be like 8 year olds). Ideally, I'm supposed to name it something that hooks the readers and gives a general sense of what the book is going to be about, without giving away the ending. That's easier said than done. And I know some of you are thinking "Dude, take it easy, it's just a title". And to you I say, I know that it's just a title, but It's been stressing me out that I haven't been able to think of a single one that seems to fit, and that whole "Don't judge a book by it's cover" rule totally doesn't apply to kids. They aren't going to give me the benefit of the doubt if my book doesn't interest them from the start. It's actually kind of hard to think of calling the book by its name. I've spent so long referring to it as the book, that I feel like that's just its name now.

     Other than that, I've just been plucking away on the computer coloring and editing the pages. All of the illustrations are colored, and I've begun the editing, which is hard, because I've never used Photoshop before. I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm learning as much as I can, as fast as possible. The pages are looking pretty sweet though, and I have begun to import the text onto the pages using Illustrator (which is another program that I've never ever used). So it's slow and steady, but at least it's progress

Here's what's up

     In a ditch effort to keep my identity as a part-time blog enthusiast, I've decided that I need to, ya know, actually blog once in a while. So that's just what I'm gonna do. From now on, I'm saying no to these weeks and months of no word of my adventures. No more of these slumps where I allow stale posts to clog my feed. I'm planning on adopting the same sort of mindset I had during my Jack of all Trades project, which was, "post every day". I feel that my writing skills are gaining nothing but dust, and that goes for my creativity and my double for that forgotten voice in my head that encourages me to try new things, and to see new places, and to never accept things just the way they are, and (most importantly) to be OK with making an ass out of myself every now and then. Even though I'm not totally clear about what I want this blog to be, I know that I want it to be updated as often as I plan on improving as a person, which is constantly. I want to consistently immerse myself in creativity. I want to condition myself to argue ideas poetically, and effectively. I want to look back and see nothing but leaps and bounds of progression. I want to expand in all directions, and become well versed in all genres. I don't hope for improvement, I demand it.


 I'm back, I'm recharged, and I'm ready to blog. =D

Project Kids book Update 8

Hey there, remember me?
It's me, Kyle.
You know, the kid that was writing his own kids book and was updating his progress every so often for nice people of the internet like you to see?
No you don't remember?
Well that's a shame, but it's not like I can be sour at you for forgetting, it's been a while since I last updated you with news about my little kids book venture.
Sorry it's been so long, but you know how things are, I've been busy and all, and I didn't really feel like typing anything most days, and I get this annoying narcissistic feeling whenever I write these posts...but here I am, and here's your update.

     The story is about as done as it's gonna be and the inked illustrations are drawn up (those bad boys were a major part of the holdup).  I've recently upgraded to a computer with more computing power than your run-of-the-mill stopwatch and am using it to add color to, and edit, the 17 or so 17x11 inch pages that make up the illustrations. The Photoshop process is a tough one, and one that I'm not well versed in, but I've enlisted the help of Mouse (who happens to be a wiz on the subject) to try and teach me anything he knows, cause God knows I could really use it. At this stage, I'm really digging how the art is looking. Gadget (the robot, ya know, the robot that the book is about) is full of color and looking fine. I'm still testing a few ideas out that I'm not sure will stick; I've been thinking about making the background semi-opaque so that the characters and objects of interest would pop out more, but I haven't decided either way. I was also thinking about color schemes and whatnot, but that's all boring technical mumbo-jumbo...and that's when I say, on to the exciting news!

Rough take on the first page

     So I don't know how much you all know (cause, well, I don't know you), but I've got some exciting news to type about. My aunt (whom I owe a great deal more than just a big hug), has somewhat of a connection in the children's book game, and she has been so kind as to send my work-in-progress of a kids book on to the powers that be over at Random House Publishing. She sent my stuff to a woman named Alexandra, who looked it over (and hopefully enjoyed it). I'm going to be a little vague with the details of the rest of this story, partly because I don't know the entirety of what's happening, and partly because I'm scared to be too optimistic. In a nutshell, what happened so far is this; I got an email back from Alexandra a couple weeks ago (which both blew my mind and made my day all at once) saying that she had taken a look at my work, and that she was "impressed". She said that robots are "in", and that she thinks that it has "wonderful potential to be a series", which made me fell all sorts of happy when I read it. She wanted to know when I'd be able to have her fiance (who is an agent for the company) take a look at it so it could be presented to somebody in their children's book division. Since then, I've received a few emails from her, which I'm super stoked about considering how busy she must be. Her emails have always been helpful and much appreciated.

Fancy brick layering n' such

     Again, I don't know what all this means, but it sure is exciting. Thanks to my aunt, I've got people (who make children's books professionally) taking an interest in my book. My jaw feels like it is still in the dropped position due to the sheer amount of kind words heard and support offered to me since starting this project. I can't stress just how much I appreciate the interest friends and family have taken to the book, and that only solidifies my desire to produce a quality work, that I'm truly proud of. Thank you!

P.S. I still don't have a tittle.

Fear

I believe that I am fueled by fear,
I believe that as far as fuels go, fear, is by far the most potent
Fear of slowing down, fear of losing my "prove them wrong" attitude
Fear of being boring

I'm afraid that there may come a day I'll be told, my life is just like one that's already been lived
That I have failed to be bold enough to be distinguish from the crowd
That my trials and victories were not uniquely my own, but a cheap imitation

I believe in a healthy sense of denial towards what other people think
And that your foresight has as much potential as your reflection

I believe that it is an insult to the astronomical odds stacked against my very existence to waste a single day of my life on people and things that I don't absolutely, wholeheartedly, love

I believe that fear isn't something that should be conquered, but rather, something that should be harnessed.

Some Non-kids book project doodles

yep mmhmm. Kid's book is still on the tracks, but I've been keeping busy with some other ventures.